Meeting these Mommies

As I entered my early 30’s it became startlingly clear, I had no girlfriends.  Of course I had friends, both men and women, but somewhere along the line I lost touch with, lived in different time zones, or outgrew many of the friends that I once held so dear.  Up until I became a mom I got by seeing the few remaining friends I had on a sporadic basis, more than content to fill any free time with my husband, the television, and long strolls along the beach, correction, aisles of Target.  With regard to my social life, I didn’t feel as if anything was missing. 

All of that changed six months into becoming a stay at home mom.  I was heading into the winter months with an infant by my side, the perfect addition to our family, and answer to our prayers.  Sure the summer months were great.  Picnics at the park, lounging on my blanket with my baby that hadn't yet discovered the art of being mobile, stroller walks through the neighborhood stalking any sign of life home during the hours of 8 to 5 for a simple smile and hello.  My complacent bubble of not having many friends was beginning to deflate, though, as I neared the months of bitter cold hibernation.  The walls of my home were getting closer and closer with each falling leaf reminding me that I would soon be stuck inside with a miniature person that, at six months old, had awful conversational skills.  To his credit, that would all change in another six months leading me to wonder where his stellar vocabulary was coming from, and remembering the phrase ‘be careful what you wish for’ but that story is for another time.

I knew it was time to get out and mingle with the outside world, but how? I hadn't made a real friend since college and even then it was only by default from being in class together or working the same shift over and over selling movie tickets at the old General Cinema.  I needed help and I needed it fast if I was going to prevent myself from going bananas with the lack of adult socialization.  I started to do some research.  Google proved to be very helpful: “mommy and me classes”, “events and activities for infants", the list goes on and on.  I finally stumbled upon a few local music classes and a pay by the hour playroom that will remain nameless, however, fulfilled all of the typical stereotypes that comes with anything that is deamed “pay by the hour”, germy and gross.  Things were looking up as I got my baby and me out to sign language and gym classes, but my longing for a connection with women in the same stage of life was still looming in the back of my mind.  I looked for anyone that displayed the same parenting style, lifestyle, clothing style, unkempt hair style, as me during the 30 minute Barnes and Noble story time with Grandma Faye.  Talk about a meat market, it was like dating all over again with no intent of physicality or even a long term commitment at that point. 

The more we got out, the more some faces, both parent and child, started to look familiar.  I was recognizing people and becoming bold enough to, dare I say it, give out my actual number and email address.  Things were looking promising but it wasn't until we started to attend the infamous play date that things really started to change.  Our first one, I knew one person but not very well, I was going out on a limb.  I drove me and my child to what might as well have been a foreign country to me, a town about 20 minutes from my own.  Was this legit?  Was this a real play date or some ploy to lure desperate stay at home moms to an unsuspecting Pampered Chef house party?  I guess I didn't care.  I walked toward the house, boasting with square footage about 3 times the size of my own home, with baby in car seat tow confident that I was going to make some new friends.  Of the 8 or so people there I found a sense of common ground with about 3 of them.  Nonetheless we had fun, and by “we” I mean me and the other moms.  My son would have been content at the Pampered Chef party, but luckily for me it was two hours of stay at home moms chatting endlessly about breastfeeding, bottle feeding, sleep habits, poop color, size, and shape and anything else that fell under the category of “is this weird or does your child do this too?”  I mean it was a room full of Chatty Cathy dolls with energizer bunny batteries connected to a generator on speed.  It was cathartic and very refreshing.  By the end of the morning all of the babies had brought us back to the reality of looming nap times and feedings, but I can confidently say that everyone there walked away satisfied with what had just taken place, adult conversation. 

I didn't leave that play date thinking I had made another best friend for life, or so I had thought, but I did leave with hope.  That hope turned into reality over the course of that first winter season as a new mom and beyond.  Now that my son is almost 5 and my daughter just 4 months, I have met and been blessed with girlfriends that have truly been an answer to another one of my prayers.  I have made close relationships and bonds with women that I admire, trust, and have a heck of a lot of fun with.  We have become a support system for each other as well as a social group for not only ourselves but our children too.  It is amazing what having girlfriends can do for the soul.  I still walk through Target solo sometimes because let’s face it, that’s just fun, but how great it is to have my girls in my life. Girls who know just when I need a song like Smelly Cat dedicated to me or a morning full of playing make up.  Moms who listen and never judge.  People who just get me.  Friends that I love.  Thanks girls, you all make me smile.     

K